The First Ninety Days After Losing Your Partner: A Practical Checklist

Nobody hands you a manual for this. One day you are part of a team, and the next you are standing in the kitchen wondering who you are supposed to call first while your kids watch your face for clues. This checklist exists so you do not have to hold everything in your head. Do what you can. Skip what you cannot. Come back to it.

The first week

Your only real jobs this week are to keep your kids safe and fed, let people help, and take care of a few things that cannot wait.

• Tell your kids simply and honestly. Our article on talking with your kids by age can help.
• Let the funeral home guide the next steps. They usually handle the death certificate and typically report the death to Social Security for you. Give them your partner's Social Security number.
• Order more certified death certificates than you think you need. Banks, insurers, employers, and government offices often each want one. Ten is a common starting point.
• Secure the basics. Lock up your partner's wallet, mail, and important papers. Make sure you can get into shared phones, email, and accounts that pay household bills.
• Say yes to specific help. Meals, school pickups, and someone to answer the door are worth more than you think.

Days eight through thirty

This is the paperwork month. Go slowly and keep a single notebook or folder for every call, name, and date.

• Contact your partner's employer. Ask about final pay, unused vacation, workplace life insurance, retirement accounts, and health coverage for you and the kids.
• File life insurance claims. Each insurer will tell you exactly what they need.
• Call Social Security about survivor benefits. Children can often qualify, and so can you in some situations.
• Find the will and any trust documents. If there is an estate to settle, a local probate or estate attorney can tell you what your state requires and how long it usually takes.
• Notify the banks where your partner had accounts, and ask what they need to retitle or close them.
• Protect against identity theft. Ask the three credit bureaus to place a deceased flag on your partner's credit file.

Days thirty one through ninety

Now you start building the new normal.

• Rebuild the budget around one income plus any benefits or insurance.
• Update your own will and name a guardian for your kids. You are now the only parent on paper, and this matters more than ever.
• Change beneficiaries on your own life insurance and retirement accounts.
• Review health insurance if the family plan came through your partner's job.
• Talk with your kids' teachers and school counselor so they can watch for changes.

What can wait

Selling the house, clearing out closets, and big money decisions can almost always wait. A common piece of advice is to avoid major decisions for the first year unless you truly have to make them.

If you want one place to keep every account, document, and contact as you work through this list, The FOLDS Method was built for exactly that.

You do not have to carry this alone. Find grief support for dads on our Connect page.